You’re cool until someone or something makes you angry. Having to experience anger is exhausting…like just cancel the rest of the day! Because anger has needs that have to be met immediately!
Anger needs your attention immediately. Once you’re triggered the anger begins. For some people its 0-100 but for others, it just gradually builds up. Either way, it demands your attention.
Since anger needs your attention, that also means your time is being taken. Like now you have to stop what you’re doing because anger has kicked in. Its unexpected time being taking out of your day.
Anger needs your body to express how angry you are, sometimes to even get back or teach the person who caused the anger a lesson. It distracts your mind, probably ready to just shut down. It can make you feel like you just don’t have control, “cause once you’re angry— (fill in the blank)"
It’s like people will do things on purpose and bring the “not so nice” side out.
Anger demands a lot from you. Think about the last time anger appeared for yourself. Remember what happened, how you felt, how you responded.
Notice how that person or that situation affected you? Notice how anger has control over you? Not really? Look at it this way, we are all responsible for ourselves. You’ve set boundaries where you know that if a person does xyz or if a situation occurs, you know it will cause anger.
Being in control of yourself UNTIL someone triggers you is not truly being in control of yourself, because you’ve allowed anger to take over. This also means this person, and/or this situation has power over you.
If you’re thinking you are in control, and no one has power over you… Good! You are in control of how you live your life, how you spend your money, how you feel, how you react, how you behave, how you respond, what you think…you are in control.
There are things that are beyond your control, and you know it. You can’t control others, their thoughts, their actions, their emotions, none of that. You can’t control situations to go exactly how you plan, but you can control yourself regardless of how the situation goes.
So, back to the anger and how and/or when it shows up in your life. Anger can have consequences that affect you, right? Say you become angry, you experience the impulse to do what? And once the anger is there and you react, how does it positively and negatively affect you?
“When it has to do with my life, I wanna be in control” – Janet Jackson
You are allowed to feel how you feel. If you’re angry, be angry. Being in control of your emotions requires you to think, stay calm, problem solve, and respond. When you become angry, you are becoming triggered. Anger is on the surface, but underneath that…you’re feeling some type of way.
It’s also okay to feel these emotions. Anger shields these emotions for many different reasons. Processing “the why” with a counselor, therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist is recommended.
How you had been responding won’t change overnight. But you can decide overnight that you do not want to respond in that manner anymore. You can commit to changing your responses and setting boundaries. Do not allow anyone to control your mood, your behavior, or your responses.
Decide that anger will not take over anymore. Here are some things you can incorporate on your road to less anger.
Change your impulse of reacting to practicing deep breathing
Start paying attention to what is causing the anger
Set boundaries and avoid the triggers
Take a time out, walk away
Pay attention to your thoughts in response to the triggers
Distract yourself, you can return to the trigger when you’re in control and the anger is not